So I don’t necessarily have anything deep to share today, just something that’s been rolling around in my head for quite a while since we started our foster care journey…and definitely since we adopted our son. So here it is: why is it that so many movies and books and TV shows seem to thrive on the idea of an orphan as a main character/hero/overcomer?
And this is not simply in media for adults…many intended for children utilize a child who is either an orphan or has been abandoned by at least one parent.
Please do be confused and do not hear what I’m not saying. I’m NOT saying kids can’t thrive as orphans or with one parent out of the picture.
I’m just saying that the media seems to really push that storyline. And my question to them is WHY?!? What is so appealing about an orphan hero?
And my problem is not that I don’t love a good overcoming odds story, as many of us do…that’s honestly probably the reason for the popularity.
And when I Google it, here’s the AI response I received (and honestly I think it is spot-on): “Isolated from a traditional, nurturing family environment an orphan is a manifestation of loneliness and vulnerability. These circumstances are prone to triggering a strong, sympathetic reaction in the reader, drawing them into the character’s journey.”
And while that may (probably) is true, my real issue with the orphan hero is that it can be triggering to such a large number of people (kids in foster care being some of them!); this does not mean it always is but it CAN be.
Obviously this is not an all-encompassing list, but here are a few examples to get you thinking about what your kids are watching or reading:
Superman
Batman
Spiderman
Nemo
Harry Potter
Annie
Lilo and Stitch
Frozen
Bambi
Dumbo
Despicable Me
Jungle Book
Cinderella
Star Wars
The Lion King
And many, many more…
For me personally, I never know what’s going to trigger my son. And maybe the same is true for you and your child; if you have more than one foster/adopted child, the triggers probably vary from child to child.
My son knows that he was a functional orphan; he doesn’t know that term, but he knows that he didn’t have permanency. He didn’t have biological parents who could care for him. He knows he was removed from them. He knows that one of the two parents didn’t even care about reunifying with him. He knows that he cannot return to them, but can visit as biomom is able.
Clearly there’s a lot just in his story that could easily be triggered by a movie that we’re watching together as a family. And I find myself cringing, often, when the issue comes up in something we are watching or reading.
Now, I do realize that sometimes it seems to gloss right over him, but I also know that doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it. He’s not dense. He can put pieces together and figure out a meaning behind a comment, and I do believe he’s understanding and thinking more about these things than he lets on.
But while we’re at it, let me briefly get on my soapbox: can we put a stop to all jokes about people being adopted? Like one sibling, saying to another, as an attempt to tease, that they are adopted? It’s not funny in any situation, but especially if there are adoptees nearby.
It’s not funny in real life and it’s not funny in media either.
End of rant.
So what I’m really saying is that I seriously doubt that the media is going to put a stop to utilizing the orphan hero storyline because it’s made them billions and billions of dollars; so what that means is that it is up to us as parents of “orphans” to do our homework. My encouragement is to always be aware and to check out shows and movies AHEAD of time to know what triggers MIGHT come up.
And if you can’t be preemptive (and I know that I am not always either), I encourage you to always be prepared for any and all fallout. Adoption and foster care themes are predominant in our media and there’s really no way around it. But as foster and adoptive parents, we can do our best to cushion the blows and to help our kids see that the story they’re watching on TV is a story, but it’s not their story…however, our children CAN be heroes and overcomers as well.
Sincerely,
Kris