I know that the topic of self-care is a hot button issue. Everybody’s talking about self-care, make sure you do your self-care, self-care, self-care, self-care. And honestly, it made me mad for a long time because I felt like I was taking care of myself. Get off my back already! But when I really stopped and looked around, I realized that I was really taking care of other people and squeezing in things for myself if possible (and rarely was it possible).
But I have realized, as I have taken a step back and tried to do things just for me, that it IS important. I’ve touched on this in other posts, but I feel that it warrants being reiterated: it’s very easy to lose yourself when you’re on the foster care and adoption journey. At least it was for me. I was so wrapped up in trying to fix/help my child that I lost all sense and sight of who I was and what I enjoyed.
I used to love doing crafts and taking aerobics and reading. And then once I delved into this world, most of that stopped. I felt like I couldn’t justify the time because when I wasn’t caring for a traumatized child, I had to do other things to keep the house running. I grew up in a very clean and tidy home and felt like that was the expectation everyone had of me as well. And it was the expectation I had of myself. I thought I had to cook dinner every single night, and felt guilty if I threw in a frozen pizza.
I don’t know if it’s the passage of time, perspective, or just that I’m really tired…but I finally realized I needed to find myself again. And I don’t know if that’s exactly what self-care is, but it is for me.
Some of this might resonate with you and some of it might not, but here’s a sampling of some of the changes I’ve made over the past couple years and because of them, I feel so much more liberated and like myself. And I also realized that my family is in no way suffering because I am taking care of myself as well. In fact, they’re probably doing better because I don’t always try to do everything for them.
So, here’s my list of some of my changes, in no particular order:
- I got a 70 pound dog that needs to be walked 3 to 4 times a day so I get to get out and get some exercise and fresh air.
- I bought myself a weighted vest to wear while I’m walking the dog. And sometimes just around the house. I found that it really helps regulate me, especially when I get that first walk in the morning.
- get up about an hour before everyone else in the house. I get myself dressed. I have a cup of coffee. I have some quiet time and I do some reading. I might even get dinner prepped. It’s just nice to me to have the house to myself… because that doesn’t happen much.
- If I’m out for a meeting in the evening, I don’t always feel inclined to have dinner ready for my family. There might be some leftovers or there might not. I might give them some options of what they could fix or I just tell them everyone’s on their own.
- I take time to read a book almost every day. As of this writing, I have read 75 books this year. I used to love to read and always felt guilty when I took the time, but this year, I’ve decided I’m not going to feel guilty about it.
- I pay a little bit extra to do grocery pick up. I know in the long run, I’m probably saving money because I’m not grabbing any impulse buys and it’s so much easier. Plus I can send my adult son who lives at home for the pickup if needed.
- I have started gardening, discovered that I love it, and have been canning to save for the winter.
Like I said, your list might look vastly different from mine and that’s totally fine. Like I said, some people might not consider this self-care, but at the very least it’s an attempt to find my way back to myself, and maybe you might find yourself along the way as well.
Sincerely,
Kris