Kwatura kwukuri: umwana wanjye ufite ibyo akeneye bidasanzwe nikintu cyitaruye cyane nabonye.
Nibyo, kurera, mubyonyine ubwabyo birasa nuko abantu benshi batabyumva cyangwa byanze bikunze banasobanukirwa impamvu wahitamo kurera. Ariko nyuma murugendo rwacu, mugihe dukemura ibibazo byihariye byumwana, cyane cyane utagaragaza ibibazo byubuvuzi bwo hanze kandi bigaragara ko ari "ibisanzwe" cyangwa "bisanzwe" hanze… ibi, kugeza ubu, abantu benshi ntibabyumva nabi umuce w'uburambe bwanjye.
Kandi ikintu ntekereza ko abantu benshi batumva kubyerekeye umwana ufite ibibazo byihariye nuko umwana atahisemo gutandukana. Rimwe na rimwe, ni ingaruka zo guhitamo abandi bantu bagize. Cyangwa biterwa no guhohoterwa cyangwa kwirengagizwa byababajwe nabantu nyine bagombye kubitaho no kubarinda. Cyangwa rimwe na rimwe ni ikintu kibaho ubwacyo muri utero. Hariho impamvu nyinshi zituma umwana ashobora kwitwa "ibikenewe bidasanzwe" kandi mugihe ihahamuka no guhohoterwa ari babiri muribo (kandi abo nzi cyane kurera), byose bigwa munsi yumutaka umwe kandi ntabwo arikintu abantu Ukeneye kuva kure… nubwo bishobora gutera ubwoba cyangwa gutera ubwoba bitewe gusa nuko udafite uburambe buke kuri yo.
Nzemera mu bwisanzure ko mbere yuko ninjira mu isi yo kurera no kurera (kandi mubyukuri isi yose yibikenewe bidasanzwe), ntabwo nabibonye. Numvaga nagerageje, byibura kurwego runaka… ariko mubyukuri sinabikoze. Ntabwo nagenze ibirometero birenze, ntabwo nagerageje kugendana numuntu mugihe bahuye nibibi byo kurera umwana ukeneye umwana udasanzwe. Nukuri nahagaze kumurongo ndareba kandi, niba ndimo gukorera mu mucyo… Naciriye urubanza ibyo ntumva. Sinzi ko nanze, cyane, kuko ntigeze mbona.
Kandi simvuze ko ari yo mpamvu numva nitegereje kandi nciriwe urubanza ubu… Ntabwo biterwa nibyo nakoze cyangwa ibyo ntakoze, cyangwa ibyo nakoze cyangwa ntazi; ni ukubera gusa ko niko bimeze. Ntabwo nshobora gutuma umuntu agenda iruhande rwanjye cyangwa ngo agirire impuhwe cyangwa ngo agerageze kumva uko bimeze. Bagomba kwihitiramo ubwabo.
Ariko rimwe na rimwe kurera ibyifuzo byihariye ni nko kuba ku kirwa. Ninjye n'umwana wanjye gusa kuri iki kirwa. Kandi iyo turiho, dukora neza. Turakora cyane kugirango twige ubumenyi bushya, amabwiriza, nibindi. Ariko igihe cyose tuvuye ku kirwa, umuntu yihutira kutwibutsa ko tudasanzwe, ko tutari "ibisanzwe" kandi bahita baduherekeza dusubira ku kirwa… binyuze mumagambo yabo ateye isoni, akaze cyangwa atatekereje.
Ukuri kuvugwe, Norohewe cyane no kuba ku kirwa. Kandi umwanya munini meze neza iyo mpari, kuko sinshobora gucirwa urubanza mugihe twembi duhuje ibitekerezo numwuka, sibyo? Ariko ni mugihe mpisemo kudushyira hanze, hanze yizinga, kandi mvugishije ukuri, twifungure kugirango ducire urubanza… nibwo ukuri gukabije kuza.
Abantu bazavuga ko bumva ibyo mpura nabyo, ariko ntibabyumva. Ntibashoboraga kubyumva neza kuko batabayeho. Kandi nubwo nshima icyifuzo cyabo gisa nkicyifuzo cyo kukibona, nzi ko batabishobora kuko mbere yuru rugendo rwanjye, natekereje ko nabisobanukiwe… ariko sinigeze mubikora, muburyo cyangwa muburyo.
Mubunararibonye bwanjye, gukenera bidasanzwe kurera bisobanura guhora nshira ku ruhande icyubahiro cyose nshobora kugira kandi nkaba ndi kumwe numwana wanjye… kugirango mfashe kugenzura, kuyobora cyangwa ikindi aricyo cyose akeneye mugihe runaka. Niba arwana, sinshobora guhangayikishwa nibyo abandi bantu bamutekerezaho cyangwa njyewe… urubanza urwo arirwo rwose bashaka gutekereza ubwabo cyangwa kubwira abandi. Ntabwo buri gihe ngomba kubyumva… mubisanzwe bigaragara mumagambo yabo, kwihagararaho / cyangwa imyitwarire.
Kandi ushobora kuba urimo usoma ibi ugatekereza, “Nibyo, Kris… wifuza ko bakora iki? Umwana wawe ni we utumvira! ” Reka rero mvuge ikintu kimwe hanyuma nguhe igitekerezo cyoroshye: umwana wanjye ntabwo ahitamo kutumvira; adafite gahunda kandi akeneye ubufasha kugarurwa mugutegekwa, hanyuma NONEWE ndashobora kumufasha guhitamo neza / byiza.
Kugirango rero ufashe (niba hari umuntu uri hanze abaza mubyukuri): niba ubona ko umwana wanjye arwana, ibimenyetso byoroshye byo gusaba umwana wawe wa neurotypical gufasha umwana wanjye byaba bivuze byinshi. Iyo umwana wanjye atsimbaraye ku kwihangana kwe kandi akaba adashaka kwinjira, cyangwa kugenda, cyangwa "guhindura ibikoresho mubyo akora"… birashoboka ko usaba umwana wawe kwerekana imyitwarire ikwiye / yifuzwa hanyuma agahagarika ibyo akora akagenda, cyangwa jya imbere, cyangwa uhindukire mubikorwa bishya.
Icyo gikorwa cyoroshye kirasobanutse kandi gifasha umwana urwana urugamba. Ntabwo bisa nkaho ari byinshi, ariko unyizere iyo nkubwiye ko ari binini. Niba ntakindi, byerekana umwana urwana (na mama we) ko hari ubufatanye buke mugushaka kugenzura. Kandi kuruhande, amahirwe arashobora kuba ikibazo kinini cyane niba tudashobora gukorera hamwe no kumufasha gutsinda aho guharanira… none nibyiza gukorera hamwe mugitangira, sibyo?
Ntashaka kuba muri ubu buryo; ntabwo ari "umwana mubi"… ni umwana urwana gusa ukeneye abantu kumukikiza no kumufasha.
Biragaragara rero ko ushobora gusobanukirwa impamvu nanze kugira icyo mvuga, cyane cyane kuriyi blog… kuko ibiganiro nkibi ntabwo byanze bikunze bikurura abantu kubarera.
Ariko bigomba.
Kandi irashobora.
Dukeneye abantu… dukeneye abantu bashaka gusobanukirwa, kandi bashaka kuba muri bose. Ninde ushobora kugendana kandi akaba ahari kubibazo bitoroshye kandi bitoroshye.
Kandi iyi ngingo yanzanye ku yindi ngingo navuze mu bihe byashize, ariko byanze bikunze isubiramo: iyi niyo mpamvu nyine ituma twese dukenera sisitemu yo gushyigikira. Urashobora gutekereza, ugiye kurera kurera, ko ufite "iyi nkunga yose" kandi ndizera kandi ndagusengera uvuze ukuri… ko sisitemu yo kugufasha izakomeza kukubera hafi.
Ariko, mubihe byinshi, igice cyiza cyinkunga kiragwa mugihe ibintu bigoye… bitewe nuko batumva gusa… niyo mpamvu mpora nshishikariza imiryango kubona inkunga no guhagararana nabandi bagendeye kuriyi inzira. Kandi nubwo ubu bwoko bushobora kutumva amakuru yimiterere yawe yihariye, basobanukiwe nibyabaye muri rusange kandi birenze urugero bishobora kuba byaratumye umwana agira ibibazo… kandi birashoboka cyane ko ashyigikirwa mugihe ibintu bigoye.
Noneho nanone: ntukumve ibyo ntavuze… ntabwo abana bose baza kurera bafite ibibazo nkumuhungu wanjye… ariko bazagira ihungabana rishobora kwigaragaza muburyo butandukanye. Ndagerageza gutegura ababyeyi bashya cyangwa abashobora kurera uko nshoboye… kuko uru rugendo ntabwo ari urw'umutima, cyangwa kugenda wenyine.
Mubyukuri,
Kris