{"id":9758,"date":"2021-09-15T16:46:08","date_gmt":"2021-09-15T16:46:08","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.childrensbureau.org\/?p=9758"},"modified":"2025-02-25T12:05:34","modified_gmt":"2025-02-25T17:05:34","slug":"kris-corner-things-not-to-say-to-a-foster-parent-or-child","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fireflyin.org\/sw\/resources\/news-library\/kris-corner-things-not-to-say-to-a-foster-parent-or-child\/","title":{"rendered":"Kris&#039; Corner - Mambo SI YA Kusema kwa Mzazi au Mtoto wa Kambo"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>Kama ilivyo katika nyanja zote za maisha, kuna mambo ambayo yanafaa kusema na mambo ambayo hayafai kusema\u2026na hii inatumika kabisa wakati wa kuzungumza na wazazi walezi. Sasa\u2026Kwa hakika niko tayari kufadhilisha watu nje kwa sababu ninajua kwamba mengi ya mambo haya yanasemwa kwa kutojua au kwa kufanya tu gumzo la uvivu kwenye mstari kwenye duka la mboga au vinginevyo; kawaida, watu si kutoa maneno yao mengi (kama ipo) mawazo na hakuna mtu ni nje ya kuumiza mtu kukusudia.<\/p>\n<p>Nyakati nyingine, mambo husemwa kwa sababu tu watu wanataka kuwa na uhusiano na familia ya kambo, lakini hawajui la kusema, au jinsi ya kuuliza maswali yanayofaa.<\/p>\n<p>Na kisha kuna watu binafsi ambao wanachimba uchafu, na hakuna chochote kuhusu mazungumzo ambayo yatafaidi familia ya kambo; itatosheleza tu udadisi mbaya wa yule anayeuliza maswali (unaweza kusema kuwa hii inanikera?).<\/p>\n<p>Kwa hivyo zaidi, huu ndio ushauri ninaotoa kwa wale ambao wanaweza kuwa wanashangaa juu ya jinsi ya kupitia mada:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Ikiwa uko nje na unaona mzazi na mtoto ambao hawaonekani kushiriki maumbile, usiulize maswali ya kibinafsi.<\/li>\n<li>Ikiwa unawajua mzazi na mtoto, na unajua kwamba hawashiriki vinasaba, usiulize maswali ya kibinafsi.<\/li>\n<li>Ikiwa hupendi kuulizwa maswali kama hayo, kuuliza maswali na mtu usimfahamu au hata mtu unayemfahamu, usiwaulize watu wengine maswali kama haya.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>Je, unapata msukumo wangu hapa? Usiulize maswali ya kibinafsi. Si jambo la mtu yeyote na hata kama mtu hataki kuwa mkorofi, bado anaweza kuwa. Katika uzoefu wangu wa kibinafsi, sababu pekee ya mtu kuniuliza maswali kuhusu mtoto wangu au familia yake ya kibaolojia ni kukidhi udadisi wake mwenyewe na si kwa ajili ya kuboresha mimi au mtoto wangu. Watu wengi wanaweza wasitambue hili ndiyo maana niko hapa na \u201cTed Talk\u201d yangu ndogo juu ya mada hii.<\/p>\n<p>Katika mshipa unaohusiana, lakini muhimu zaidi, sio tu kwamba wazazi walezi hawapaswi kuulizwa kuhusu maelezo ya kibinafsi ya hadithi ya mtoto, wala mtoto haipaswi kuulizwa. Si jambo la mtu yeyote, na kwa kweli kuuliza maswali kama haya kunaweza kuamsha hisia kwa mtoto aliye katika malezi\u2026na nina hakika 100% kuwa hakuna anayenuia kuamsha mtu yeyote, hasa mtoto anayelelewa. Hadithi ya mtoto ni hadithi yake ya kushiriki na yeyote anayemtaka, wakati wowote anaotaka\u2026sio lazima na mtu anayemfahamu kanisani au mgeni aliye nyuma yake kwenye duka la mboga. Na inaeleweka kwamba mtoto anaweza kuwa na wakati mgumu kuelezea hilo kwa mtu mzima, kwa hivyo mtoto hushiriki mengi zaidi kujihusu kuliko anavyostarehe kufanya\u2026kwa sababu tu mtu mzima hakutumia mipaka ifaayo.<\/p>\n<p>Kufikia sasa unaweza kuwa unafikiria, \u201cMwanamke huyu anazungumzia nini duniani? Ni aina gani za mambo ya jeuri au yasiyofaa ambayo watu wamesema, hasa kwa mtoto?\u201d Vema, usijali\u2026Niko hapa kukupa mifano michache, mpya kutoka kwa akina mama katika kikundi changu cha usaidizi cha kulea na kuasili. Kila moja ya haya yamesemwa au kuulizwa kutoka kwa mama ninayemjua, na nina hakika kuna mambo mengine mengi ya jeuri au ya kutojali ambayo wamesikia ambayo wamechagua kutoshiriki au wamejilazimisha kusahau.<\/p>\n<p>Bila mpangilio maalum, haya ni machache (kwa hakika yapo zaidi, kwa hivyo tafadhali usichukulie hii kama orodha kamili kwa njia yoyote ile) ya mambo ya kifidhuli na yasiyofaa ambayo HAYAWEZI kuwaambia wazazi wa kambo au walezi au watoto wao (na kama kando). \u2026labda hawana adabu kumwambia mtu yeyote, sio tu familia za walezi):<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Baba yake lazima awe mgeni.&quot;<\/p>\n<p>\u201dWow! Una mikono kamili!&quot;<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Ni timu kubwa kama nini!&quot; Kawaida hufuatwa na, &quot;Unajua ni nini husababisha hii, sawa?&quot;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cUlimtoa wapi?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Unazungumza na mama yao HALISI?&quot;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWow! Hakika hafanani na mtu yeyote katika familia!\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Ikiwa hakuna mtu anayemtaka, hakika tutamchukua.&quot;<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Lazima apate rangi yake kutoka kwa baba yake!&quot;<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Aww, mtoto wako ni mzuri sana ... anatoka wapi?&quot;<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Yeye ni mzuri sana. Hakikisha wazazi wake hawamwoni akiwa ameduwaa namna hiyo. Watataka arudishwe.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>\u201cSiamini kwamba wazazi wao hawakuwataka.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Kwa hiyo, ilikuwa dawa?&quot;<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Je, zote ni zako?&quot;<\/p>\n<p>\u201cLo, singeweza kamwe kufanya hivyo. Ningeshikamana sana.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>&quot;Singeweza kuwarudishia.&quot;<\/p>\n<p>Kwa wakati huu, nina hakika kwamba kwa sababu ya ukweli kwamba nimechagua maoni ya kujisimamia yenyewe, ninyi, wasikilizaji wangu wajanja, mnaweza kuona kwa nini hakuna hata moja ya mambo hayo ambayo yangefaa kusema. Kama milele.<\/p>\n<p>Ni kweli...je sote tumesema mambo ya kijinga wakati mmoja au mwingine? Bila shaka, na sidhani kama chapisho hili la blogu litaondoa maoni yote yenye kuumiza na yasiyojali yanayoelekezwa kwa wazazi walezi au watoto wanaowalea. Hiyo ni wazi haitatokea kamwe.<\/p>\n<p>Lengo langu ni kuiweka tu nyuma ya akili za watu ili IKIWA hali itatokea na mazungumzo na wazazi walezi au mtoto wa kambo yafuate, mtu ambaye ameisoma atasimama angalau kabla ya kusema jambo la kuumiza au la kuchochea bila kukusudia.<\/p>\n<p>Asante kwa kuja kwenye \u201cTed Talk\u201d yangu.<\/p>\n<p>Kwa dhati,<\/p>\n<p>Kris<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As with all areas of life, there are things which are appropriate to say and things which are inappropriate to say\u2026and this absolutely applies when talking to foster parents. Now\u2026I am definitely willing to grace people out because I know that many of these things are said out of ignorance or out of just making [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9758","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kriss-corner"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>Kris&#039; Corner - Things NOT to Say to a Foster Parent or Child - Firefly Children and Family Alliance<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fireflyin.org\/sw\/resources\/news-library\/kris-corner-things-not-to-say-to-a-foster-parent-or-child\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Kris&#039; Corner - Things NOT to Say to a Foster Parent or Child - Firefly Children and Family Alliance\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As with all areas of life, there are things which are appropriate to say and things which are inappropriate to say\u2026and this absolutely applies when talking to foster parents. 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