And this is not simply in media for adults…many intended for children utilize a child who is either an orphan or has been abandoned by at least one parent.

Please do be confused and do not hear what I’m not saying. I’m NOT saying kids can’t thrive as orphans or with one parent out of the picture.

I’m just saying that the media seems to really push that storyline. And my question to them is WHY?!? What is so appealing about an orphan hero?

And my problem is not that I don’t love a good overcoming odds story, as many of us do…that’s honestly probably the reason for the popularity.

And when I Google it, here’s the AI response I received (and honestly I think it is spot-on): “Isolated from a traditional, nurturing family environment an orphan is a manifestation of loneliness and vulnerability. These circumstances are prone to triggering a strong, sympathetic reaction in the reader, drawing them into the character’s journey.”

And while that may (probably) is true, my real issue with the orphan hero is that it can be triggering to such a large number of people (kids in foster care being some of them!); this does not mean it always is but it CAN be.

Obviously this is not an all-encompassing list, but here are a few examples to get you thinking about what your kids are watching or reading:

Superman

Batman

Spiderman

Nemo

Harry Potter

Annie

Lilo and Stitch

Frozen

Bambi

Dumbo

Despicable Me

Jungle Book

Cinderella

Star Wars

The Lion King

And many, many more…

For me personally, I never know what’s going to trigger my son. And maybe the same is true for you and your child; if you have more than one foster/adopted child, the triggers probably vary from child to child.

My son knows that he was a functional orphan; he doesn’t know that term, but he knows that he didn’t have permanency. He didn’t have biological parents who could care for him. He knows he was removed from them. He knows that one of the two parents didn’t even care about reunifying with him. He knows that he cannot return to them, but can visit as biomom is able.

Clearly there’s a lot just in his story that could easily be triggered by a movie that we’re watching together as a family.  And I find myself cringing, often, when the issue comes up in something we are watching or reading.

Now, I do realize that sometimes it seems to gloss right over him, but I also know that doesn’t mean he’s not thinking about it. He’s not dense. He can put pieces together and figure out a meaning behind a comment, and I do believe he’s understanding and thinking more about these things than he lets on.

But while we’re at it, let me briefly get on my soapbox: can we put a stop to all jokes about people being adopted? Like one sibling, saying to another, as an attempt to tease, that they are adopted? It’s not funny in any situation, but especially if there are adoptees nearby.

It’s not funny in real life and it’s not funny in media either.

End of rant.

So what I’m really saying is that I seriously doubt that the media is going to put a stop to utilizing the orphan hero storyline because it’s made them billions and billions of dollars; so what that means is that it is up to us as parents of “orphans” to do our homework. My encouragement is to always be aware and to check out shows and movies AHEAD of time to know what triggers MIGHT come up.

And if you can’t be preemptive (and I know that I am not always either), I encourage you to always be prepared for any and all fallout. Adoption and foster care themes are predominant in our media and there’s really no way around it. But as foster and adoptive parents, we can do our best to cushion the blows and to help our kids see that the story they’re watching on TV is a story, but it’s not their story…however, our children CAN be heroes and overcomers as well.

Sincerely,

Kris

The post Kris’ Corner – Orphans as Heroes in Media appeared first on Firefly Children and Family Alliance.

As it states on their website, the mission of First Steps is “to partner with Hoosier families whose young children are experiencing developmental delays and connect them with services that help them promote their child’s development.”

First Steps is a program that I first learned about when my now 22 year-old was an infant. He was born with torticollis, and even though we tried to remedy it with some stretches on our own, it was not quite enough. We were referred to First Steps by the pediatrician (although FYI: if you have specific concerns you’d like an opinion on, you can contact First Steps yourself and do a direct referral).

Basically it works like this: Once the referral goes through, you are contacted for an intake and then an evaluation (all of this is done in home, which is especially nice if you have other children; you don’t need to find a sitter or take them all along to these appointments).

If the child qualifies for services, and assuming your foster child is on Medicaid, you will pay nothing and the therapy or therapies will happen in your home; for children not on Medicaid, I believe it is insurance-based but I do have not have personal experience with that and the website is not as clear as it could be.

For my older son, he qualified only for Physical Therapy (PT) once a week. So once services began, we had a PT come to our home once a week for an hour. She would spend time stretching him, but more than that, she would teach me what to do to continue the work on the other days…which is where the real progress in his condition took place. Obviously the weekly appointments were crucial to ensure I was staying on track with my “tasks”, but the fact that I became knowledgeable and equipped helped me do what he needed; point being, we were able to work as a team to get him on track.

And as what I think is a kind of cool aside: Fast forward 11 years later when we took placement of a medically-fragile 3 month old (who had severe torticollis, as well as several other needs), we were already trained in how to do the stretches so we were able to begin them right away, as we awaited his First Steps referral to go through and for services to begin.

And speaking of services, I need to explain that First Steps provides so much more than PT (our youngest, in fact, used PT, OT, Speech and DT).  So just for your reference, the services available through First Steps include:

• Assistive Technology (AT)
• Audiological Services
• Developmental Therapy (DT) (which includes Family Education, Training, and Counseling;  Health services; Medical services; Nursing services; and Nutrition services)
• Occupational Therapy (OT)
• Physical Therapy (PT)
• Psychological Services
• Service Coordination (SC)
• Social Work Services
• Speech Therapy
• Transportation
• Vision
• Other Individualized Services

One last thing I would like to mention is that even if your child qualifies for a therapy or service with First Steps, it might be that he has not progressed enough by the age of three ; in such a case, he will then have therapies outside the home. My youngest had PT, OT and speech in home, but still needed services once he turned three so we transitioned to outside therapists.

And from my experience, First Steps does a wonderful job of helping you with the transition; they do not wait until the child is 3 and then simply drop him. They begin helping you with the transition process a couple months out so the child doesn’t have a lapse in services.

I know that this will not be a need that every foster parent has, but I wanted to make you aware just in case you or another foster parent you know might find it beneficial.

Sincerely,

Kris

The post Kris’ Corner – First Steps appeared first on Firefly Children and Family Alliance.

Because it is so upsetting and terrifying, I believe that most of us in the foster care world choose not to talk about it…almost like “if I don’t talk about it, it won’t ever happen” or “if I discuss it, it almost summons the call in on me”.

Clearly nothing like that is the case…but 310s are scary and that’s why we don’t often want to talk about them.

But that’s what I’ll be doing in my next few posts; I’ll dive into what a 310 is, the investigation process (in general…because no 310 investigation is ever going to go exactly by the textbook), possible outcomes of the 310 investigation, how to protect yourself from an investigation (as best you can), and validating how a 310 makes foster parents feel.

And for those of you who are new to this world, or if you’ve never had the “pleasure” of experiencing one, a 310 is what was called in on the biological family when the children in your care were removed. But 310s are called in all the time and it is not uncommon for one to be called in on foster or adoptive parents.

I’m going to admit something I’ve very rarely admitted (because it feels so gross and smug on my part), but I thought I was doing really well as a foster parent because we fostered for eight years and never had a 310 called in. What I failed to realize is that it can happen to anyone at any time for virtually anything, and when we had our family’s 310 investigation this past summer, I very quickly lost a lot of of that smugness (and when I say I lost a lot, I mean I lost it all.

I don’t say that to scare you, but to help you understand that it’s something that happens. Often. And you don’t need to feel like you’re all alone in the experience.

As we go through this series, I will try to give you as much information as I can so that in the event it does happen to you, you’re a little more prepared to walk through it. Additionally, and most of all, I want you to know that you’re not alone in how you feel and what you experience. It has happened to many of us (probably many of whom you are unaware that it’s happened to…because it can feel embarrassing to talk about), and while it can bring up a lot of different emotions for the foster or adoptive parents, there are things you can do as you walk through to help give you a sense of control.

So as I said above, first off in the series, I want to talk a little bit about what exactly a 310 is and how it is reported. As mentioned previously, the 310 is when a call is made to the hotline regarding suspected abuse or neglect of a child.

I think many of us are aware of what is probably the most common and that is a mandatory reporting call. Anyone who sees something suspicious has a required duty to call in a report to the anonymous line. They’ll take the information and move forward with it there. As I said, it is anonymous so the person receiving the call doesn’t know who called it in although of course there might be suspicions.

There is self reporting, when a foster adoptive parent knows that there’s something wrong or something has happened, it should be called in by them and they call in on themselves.

There’s agency reporting where the agency becomes aware of something that has happened in a foster home and they call in the report on the foster parents.

One other situation I do want to mention is that the majority of the time calls are made for an adult doing something to a child. But there is the rare instance where a 310 is called in for a child doing something to another child. Like I said, it’s not nearly as common, but it does happen, and if deemed necessary, it still requires the full investigation process.

Once a report has been made, then DCS will determine if screened in or screened out. If it is screened in, then they will pursue investigation and determine if further action is required. If it is screened out then there will be no further investigation on that call.

In my next post, I will dive deeper into what the DCS 310 investigation should (or could) look like.

Sincerely,

Kris

The post Kris’ Corner – DCS Investigations: What is a 310 appeared first on Firefly Children and Family Alliance.