{"id":9703,"date":"2021-08-19T19:50:17","date_gmt":"2021-08-19T19:50:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.childrensbureau.org\/?p=9703"},"modified":"2025-02-25T12:05:52","modified_gmt":"2025-02-25T17:05:52","slug":"kris-corner-working-through-death-and-a-funeral","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fireflyin.org\/ht\/resources\/news-library\/kris-corner-working-through-death-and-a-funeral\/","title":{"rendered":"Kris' Corner- Travay atrav\u00e8 lanm\u00f2 ak yon ant\u00e8man"},"content":{"rendered":"
Donk, ann pale pou yon minit sou timoun ki soti nan kote difisil f\u00e8 fas ak lanm\u00f2. Kl\u00e8man, nenp\u00f2t timoun nan swen adoptif te f\u00e8 eksperyans p\u00e8t ... tou senpleman grasa lef\u00e8t ke li pa nan fanmi byolojik li ank\u00f2. Retire a, nan ak nan t\u00e8t li, se yon p\u00e8t epi li se twomatik, menm si sitiyasyon an pa t 'an sante oswa an sekirite.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Diferans lan se ke pou yon plasman nan swen p\u00e8t la anjeneral se sa ki nan yon moun ki toujou ap viv. Ugh... kite sa koule nan.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Se pout\u00e8t sa, lanm\u00f2 se potansy\u00e8lman super difisil pou navige paske li se yon l\u00f2t p\u00e8t pou yon timoun ki te deja f\u00e8 eksperyans gwo p\u00e8t. Ki sa mwen ankouraje w kenbe nan t\u00e8t ou se ke non s\u00e8lman ka lanm\u00f2 a pote lapenn nan p\u00e8t sa a li menm, li kapab anplis vin yon deklanche ... yon rap\u00e8l nan tout l\u00f2t p\u00e8t li te andire nan lavi li. Sa te di, chagren pou yon lanm\u00f2 evidamman diferan de chagren pou p\u00e8t moun ki toujou vivan. Men, se lapenn tou. Ak nan v\u00e8ti nan lef\u00e8t ke timoun nan swen adoptif, oswa moun ki te adopte, genyen\u00a0<\/span>"<\/span>de fanmi,\u201d li ogmante chans pou timoun nan f\u00e8 eksperyans yon lanm\u00f2 ak p\u00e8t yon fason eksponansy\u00e8l.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Ki deklare evidan an isit la, men li ta ka fanmi byolojik, li ta ka fanmi adoptif oswa adoptif, oswa yon zanmi fanmi. Men, yon lanm\u00f2 ap vini nan k\u00e8k pwen ak fason ou adrese li ak jere li pral afekte fason timoun nan kapab navige.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Pandan pitit gason m nan te nan swen adoptif, sa pa t janm yon pwobl\u00e8m pou nou. Li te gen de nan moman adopsyon an e anvan sa nou te gen yon s\u00e8l ant\u00e8man fanmi, ki te f\u00e8t pandan li te yon tibebe. Men, nou te nan dlo nouvo de sa k\u00e8k mwa l\u00e8 mwen te oblije rakonte l 'sou lanm\u00f2 youn nan vwazen nou yo.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Li te ap goumen kont kans\u00e8 pou yon ane ak yon mwatye, epi li te w\u00e8 chanjman yo nan li (t\u00e8t la ch\u00f2v se te pi gwo siy li, nan kou), men li pa t 'anty\u00e8man s\u00e8ten sa ki te pase. Mwen te eseye, nan pwen sa a, kenbe bagay yo vag jan mwen te kapab, epi s\u00e8lman reponn kesyon li te genyen yo; nou te pale sou kans\u00e8 e ke pafwa li te f\u00e8 moun rey\u00e8lman malad epi pafwa mouri. Men, sa jis paske yon moun te gen kans\u00e8 pa t vle di ke yo ta mouri.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n K\u00e8k sem\u00e8n anvan li te rive, mwen te konnen li t ap vini. Men, mwen pa t prepare l. Mwen pa t 'konnen kisa pou m' f\u00e8 oswa di e konsa mwen jis pa t '; an retwouve, pwobableman pa pi bon apw\u00f2ch la. Li pa t gen anpil pw\u00f2ch av\u00e8 l, men k\u00f2m li t ap viv l\u00f2tb\u00f2 lari a, yo t ap souvan w\u00e8 youn ak l\u00f2t epi yo t ap balanse. L\u00e8 li konnen restriksyon rejim alimant\u00e8 espesyal li yo, li ta toujou achte l 'yon gwo sak sir\u00e8t espesyal nan Halloween. Apre sa, li te kenbe yon rez\u00e8v pou vantouz espesyal jis pou l 'l\u00e8 li ta vini ak sonnen kl\u00f2ch li epi mande pou youn. Kidonk, menmsi yo pa t f\u00e8men, li te gen yon plas espesyal nan k\u00e8 l, e li te nan k\u00e8 l.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n L\u00e8 m 'te di l' ke li te mouri, premye reyaksyon l 'te yon kalite nonchalant. Men, yon fwa mwen te aprann aranjman ant\u00e8man yo ak vizit la, epi mwen te k\u00f2manse prepare l pou sa, li te vin pi fache; Mwen te konnen li te trete li men mwen te gen pwobl\u00e8m pou f\u00e8 l 'v\u00e8balize santiman li (sa a se pa kostim f\u00f2 l' de tout fason, ak lapenn pa t 'f\u00e8 l' okenn fav\u00e8). Pandan nou t ap pale, mwen te kapab f\u00e8 konnen li te fache paske li te soti nan vantouz pou yon ti tan... Mwen te konnen se paske li te malad e ke achte vantouz espesyal pa t definitivman yon priyorite.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Men, pou li, li te enp\u00f2tan e li te fason yo te konekte ... ak nan t\u00e8t li, li te kl\u00e8man kite l 'desann. Li te pote li plizy\u00e8 fwa nan de jou kap vini yo jiskaske mwen te kapab f\u00e8 l 'konprann ke li te malad, e ke li te vle jwenn vantouz pou li men jis pa t 'kapab ale nan magazen an paske li te tw\u00f2 malad. Nan pwen sa a li adousi, epi li pa mansyone li ank\u00f2.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n L\u00e8 m 'te di l' nou pral ale nan yon vizit, anvan ant\u00e8man an (nou pa t 'ale nan ant\u00e8man an t\u00e8t li... Mwen reyalize ke mwen te gen op\u00f2tinite pou f\u00e8 etap ti bebe av\u00e8 l' sou sa a, kidonk mwen te pral f\u00e8 jis. sa). Mwen te eksplike kisa sa te ye, men li te fikse li pa t rey\u00e8lman vle ale. Pif\u00f2 nan repons sa a, mwen sisp\u00e8k, se paske li te toujou renmen yo dwe "nan konnen" ak jis paske mwen eksplike sa ki pral rive, li pa toujou tradwi nan li "konnen \/ konprann \/ anvizaje" sa ki pral vr\u00e8man pran plas ak enkyetid li pran sou.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Men, apre plizy\u00e8 konv\u00e8sasyon sou kisa sa t ap ye, epi apre mwen te eksplike ke ta gen anpil foto pou gade, e ke mari l ak pitit fi yo t ap la, finalman li te dak\u00f2 ale.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Konprann, li pa t 'vle ale nan liy lan, epi mwen pa t' f\u00e8 l '. Li te vle gade foto yo, epi li te vle chita sou sofa a ki te pi pre s\u00e8k\u00e8y la ke li te kapab jwenn, men yo toujou plizy\u00e8 pye lwen.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Apre sa, li pran tout bagay.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Li gade moun yo, li gade fl\u00e8 yo, li poze anpil kesyon, tankou, l\u00e8 l ap montre kek\u00e8 a,<\/span>\u00a0"<\/span>\u00c8ske yo pral f\u00e8men p\u00f2t sa a l\u00e8 yo antere l?"\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Erezman, sa pa t ' byen f\u00f2 ase pou nenp\u00f2t l\u00f2t moun tande, men l\u00e8 w ap nouvo nan lanm\u00f2 ak tout f\u00f2malite yo ak ritu\u00e8l ke nou genyen, ou ap pwobableman pral gen kesyon. Mwen te konnen ke sa te jis prepare l pou yon eksperyans pi pre lakay ak lanm\u00f2, tankou yon moun nan fanmi an oswa yon moun li te konnen byen.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n L\u00e8 sa a, se sou wout lakay ou ke inondasyon an nan kesyon rey\u00e8lman te vini. P\u00e8son\u00e8lman, fanmi nou kw\u00e8 nan Sy\u00e8l la e konsa li te gen anpil kesyon sou fason fr\u00e8 par\u00e8y nou an ta ka \u201ckouche nan bwat sa a epi li nan Sy\u00e8l la an menm tan\u201d.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Men bagay ki te par\u00e8t pi evidan pou mwen, pandan l t ap poze kesyon sa a se: Eske w pral mouri yon jou manmi? Eske ou pral kite m 'pou tout tan?"<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n E sa, zanmi m yo, se te bagay ki pi difisil pou nou tou de pase.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Pou yon timoun ki te f\u00e8 eksperyans gwo blese ak p\u00e8t epi ki te goumen pou atachman li genyen yo...menm style atachman enkyete li genyen an...panse a p\u00e8di fanmi li te ase pou nou toulede. Evidamman di, dlo nan je yo t ap koule nan machin nan apremidi a.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Men, jan li gen tandans f\u00e8 sa, depi jou sa a li pa mansyone lanm\u00f2 li oswa p\u00e8sonn. Mwen konnen li toujou ap woule nan t\u00e8t li...k\u00f2m nou w\u00e8 vwazen yo, ak nouvo ti chen yo te rive eseye jwenn k\u00e8k lajwa nan lavi yo...men li pa janm mansyone lanm\u00f2 li.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Li se "nan pw\u00f2p t\u00e8t li" anpil sou bagay sa yo, ak sou 7 ane li te av\u00e8k nou, nou toujou pa toujou kapab rale l 'dey\u00f2.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Mwen te eseye "garnier" l 'nan mande si li panse sou nenp\u00f2t moun oswa si li gen kesyon sou bagay li vle mande oswa diskite. Men repons lan se toujou non.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Kidonk, pandan m ap tann pou l pare pou l trete sa a n\u00e8t... e mwen konnen l\u00e8 a ap rive nan k\u00e8k pwen... Mwen pare pou m ranmase moso yo. Ke se pwosesis la nan lanm\u00f2 li oswa yon l\u00f2t moun nan ... lanm\u00f2 toujou vini ak nan k\u00e8k pwen, li pral tr\u00e8 pre. Apre sa, li pral gen konpl\u00e8tman trete tout nan li.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Pou yon timoun ki soti nan kote difisil, pwosesis lanm\u00f2 ak p\u00e8t ka par\u00e8t diferan pase yon moun ki pa te f\u00e8 eksperyans ch\u00f2k grav. Epi sa se ok... toutotan nou menm, paran yo, sip\u00f2t\u00e8 yo, moun k ap bay swen yo konnen epi konprann sa... epi bay timoun nan tan, espas ak maj. Epi jis pare l\u00e8 li ye.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Sens\u00e8man,<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Kris<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" So,\u00a0let\u2019s talk for a minute about kids from hard places\u00a0dealing with death.\u00a0Clearly, any child in foster care has experienced loss\u2026simply by virtue of the fact that he is no longer with his biological family. The removal, in and of itself,\u00a0is a loss and it is traumatic, even if the situation was not healthy or safe.\u00a0\u00a0 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9703","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kriss-corner"],"yoast_head":"\n