{"id":9458,"date":"2021-07-08T20:11:57","date_gmt":"2021-07-08T20:11:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.childrensbureau.org\/?p=9458"},"modified":"2025-02-25T12:05:53","modified_gmt":"2025-02-25T17:05:53","slug":"kris-corner-from-the-trenches-what-i-wish-id-known-part-7","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fireflyin.org\/cnh\/resources\/news-library\/kris-corner-from-the-trenches-what-i-wish-id-known-part-7\/","title":{"rendered":"Kris’ Corner-From the Trenches: What I wish I’d Known part 7"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u00a0 touched on this a little bit already but want to emphasize this particular point: you need to be flexible when you\u2019re a foster parent. This is always true at the initial placement, but this need for flexibility <\/span>WILL, most likely, run the entire course of the case. That\u2019s not to say it is intentional or that it\u2019s being done on purpose\u2026it is simply the way foster care often goes.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Here\u2019s what one foster mom had to say about it: \u201cI was surprised to see\u00a0how OFTEN appointments and plans change. About 3\/4 of the\u00a0stuff\u00a0we schedule gets changed by someone being late, rescheduling,\u00a0etc…it takes\u00a0A\u00a0LOT of flexibility.\u201d<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

So,\u00a0when I\u00a0initially\u00a0discussed the concept of flexibility, it was in regards to the day-to-day functioning of the household and behaviors of the child, for those first few days and weeks after a child comes into your home.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This post deals more with the fact that sometimes it might feel a little bit like you\u2019re walking on shifting sand; not just at the beginning, but all the way through. Because there are so many people involved in a case, schedule conflicts are common and it often feels like the foster parents are the ones who have to change their schedule.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>It\u2019s not always the case, obviously; but it does feel that way at times.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But I will say this: at the start of a case, DCS and your CB case manager and the visit supervisors and anyone else involved is experiencing the same thing as you\u2026because they are all trying to create the baseline for the child from which to move forward. And to create the baseline, they have to figure out what was happening (or not happening) prior to the removal.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And while everyone else in the case is looking back and looking forward, you, as the foster parent, are in the trench. It is true that you are looking at what is coming in the future, but mostly you are also looking at what is happening right now in front of you and what needs to be addressed immediately. <\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That means you have the initial doctor appointments (and often times it will be your job to\u00a0track down the previous doctor, who is probably assigned by Medicaid); you\u2019ll possibly need<\/span>\u00a0dental\u00a0<\/span>appointments,\u00a0and First Steps Appointments or other therapy appointments. And it\u2019s your responsibility to schedule those (and possibly reschedule them if need be).<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And while you\u2019re planning those things, it is possible\/probable that the initial visit with the biological family is also being planned. And the first court hearing. And a visit from your FCM. And a visit from your CB case worker. And a visit from the CASA. And after the first hearing, the visitation schedule will be put into place.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s not to mention getting the child to and from school (be it his regular school or a transfer to the school close to you). Or figuring out childcare.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And I\u2019m certain it\u2019s not difficult the see how some of those might end up being double (or triple) bookings.\u00a0So,\u00a0the point I\u2019m making here is to know that you\u2019ll need to be flexible. And understanding. And just know that no one is trying to make you reschedule things, but, as an example, oftentimes if a doctor appointment and a visit with biological parents are scheduled at the same time, you\u2019ll be the one who makes the change. Not always, of course, but often.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now, as I mentioned above, this flexibility is not needed just at the start of a case, but potentially all the way through.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Though there are many examples of how your flexibility might be called into play, this particular one comes to my mind because it was the case for us. Because our son was so high medical, his biological parents were mandated by the judge to attend all of his doctor appointments. And after the appointment, they would take the remainder of their visit.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This initially made me upset but I eventually came to understand the judge\u2019s reasoning. If he was to be reunified with his parents, they should hear everything from the doctor regarding his care. <\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But if I\u2019m totally honest, here\u2019s what really upset me: this mandate required a good deal of flexibility on my part, because this kiddo had A LOT of doctor appointments. I could no longer schedule appointments around my needs, but instead had to do them when the parents were available. Understandably, I had not yet come to grips with the fact that part of my role as a foster parent was being flexible\u2026and it was the flexibility on my part that was helping the parents work their plan as best as they could.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Point being\u2026even if you don\u2019t always want to be flexible and sometimes cannot understand the reason for a change or why you have to bend\u2026I would encourage you to hang in there and do what you can to make the situation workable for everyone involved. It is never something personal against you, even if you feel like you\u2019re doing a lot of the\u00a0\u201cflexing\u201d\u00a0and ultimately might be the one who has to change plans.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And while it doesn\u2019t make the need to be flexible more enjoyable, hopefully this helps you see the need for it and that, at least at times, it might be almost an unwritten role of being a foster parent.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>Sincerely,<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/span>Kris\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u00a0 touched on this a little bit already but want to emphasize this particular point: you need to be flexible when you\u2019re a foster parent. This is always true at the initial placement, but this need for flexibility WILL, most likely, run the entire course of the case. That\u2019s not to say it is intentional […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-9458","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kriss-corner"],"yoast_head":"\nKris' Corner-From the Trenches: What I wish I'd Known part 7 - Firefly Children and Family Alliance<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fireflyin.org\/cnh\/resources\/news-library\/kris-corner-from-the-trenches-what-i-wish-id-known-part-7\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Kris' Corner-From the Trenches: What I wish I'd Known part 7 - Firefly Children and Family Alliance\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u00a0 touched on this a little bit already but want to emphasize this particular point: you need to be flexible when you\u2019re a foster parent. 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