Over the years, I\u2019ve had people tell me that they\u2019re just not sure they could foster because they don\u2019t have any other children, and they\u2019ve never parented.<\/p>\n
So I typically respond with something like this, \u201cAt some point, we were all in the same position\u2026we weren\u2019t always parents either.\u201d<\/p>\n
Now I know what they\u2019re saying, \u201cI don\u2019t know if I\u2019ll be a good parent; I don\u2019t know what I\u2019m doing; I want to do it right!\u201d<\/p>\n
I am here to tell you: Everyone feels this way before a child comes into their home, be it biologically or through foster care. No one knows for certain if they\u2019ll be a good parent, no one knows exactly what they\u2019re doing, and we all want to do it right.<\/p>\n
So I\u2019ll just put this out here: The only way to know how you\u2019ll do is it try it out! Now, I know it can be terrifying, and I won\u2019t discount the fact that you\u2019ll have DCS and probably Children\u2019s Bureau (because you would certainly get licensed through them) who are walking alongside you as you parent. So it\u2019s not exactly the same experience as if you had a child biologically, but it is not completely different: both take a lot of time, attention, love and patience.<\/p>\n
One best thing about never having parented is that you don\u2019t necessarily have all the preconceived notions about what it should be like. Meaning: you\u2019re a little bit of a blank slate. I won\u2019t lie and tell you that parenting a foster child is exactly the same as parenting a biological child\u2026because it is not.<\/p>\n
Often, the expectations you place on a child in care vs a neurotypical biological child MUST be different. My husband and I definitely learned that the hard way, and I would venture to guess that many other foster parents who also have biological children would agree. I will be the first to admit that Children\u2019s Bureau was AMAZING with their trainings about how to parent a traumatized child, but I just wasn\u2019t ready to listen completely until I had trauma living under my roof. I could not envision that children would be so different, but they definitely are. Once I realized my misstep in expectations, Children\u2019s Bureau was there to help me get back on track\u2026so consider how far ahead you would be by being able to absorb the information from the outset.<\/p>\n
Overall my point is this: fostering without biologicals might be a HUGE blessing to you and the child. You don\u2019t know what you don\u2019t know, so if you don\u2019t know how a neurotypical child would react in a situation, you are probably less likely to compare your foster child to that expectation; you might not expect him to behave neurotypically when he has suffered abuse and neglect which has rewired his brain, and you might be better equipped to meet him where he is rather than where you think he should be\u2026and that sounds like a win-win for both of you.<\/p>\n
Sincerely,<\/p>\n
Kris<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Over the years, I\u2019ve had people tell me that they\u2019re just not sure they could foster because they don\u2019t have any other children, and they\u2019ve never parented. So I typically respond with something like this, \u201cAt some point, we were all in the same position\u2026we weren\u2019t always parents either.\u201d Now I know what they\u2019re saying, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8453","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kriss-corner"],"yoast_head":"\n