So seriously\u2026what IS the best interest of a child in care?<\/p>\n
True confession time (and this is kind of an ugly side of me, but it is also not uncommon for foster parents to think this way when they first start out). When I began this journey, I thought I knew what would be the best interest of a child. I figured I was OBVIOUSLY the better choice for multiple reasons\u2026I have a stable living situation, I have good parenting skills, I have more support, I might have more money and can offer more opportunities, and I don\u2019t struggle with addiction or homeless or domestic violence.<\/p>\n
All those reasons right there mean I should CLEARLY be the better choice\u2026but that\u2019s not really what we are talking about\u2026we are discussing best interest of the child.<\/p>\n
And all those reasons I just listed do not automatically make me and my family the best interest of a child.<\/p>\n
Let me explain by asking you this: do you have biological children? And have you ever thought that there are other parents out there who have a better living situation, parenting skills, more support, more money, can offer more opportunities and also don\u2019t struggle with addiction or homeless or domestic violence? And if so\u2026wouldn\u2019t THEY be the better choice for your child? Does that mean your child should automatically be removed from you?<\/p>\n
My point is this: those things don\u2019t necessarily make someone out to be in the best interest of a child. They might be good things, but it doesn\u2019t mean that it\u2019s best overall.<\/p>\n
Which brings us back to something we\u2019ve touched on previously and that is why we should, as foster parents, promote reunification with birth family as much as we possibly can.<\/p>\n
Clearly it doesn\u2019t mean at all costs or that we should ever not share something we know would be detrimental or harmful to a child; if a parent has messed up or made a poor decision, it\u2019s not our job as foster parents to decide what happens\u2026that should be the decision of the court. If asked (which doesn\u2019t always happen), we share what we know with the court and let the judge take things from there.<\/p>\n
However, we can be there to encourage the birth family on their goals reached and progress made; sometimes the difference between success and failure for them is having someone in their corner, cheering them on.<\/p>\n
Now we probably all know that removal from a home is traumatic for a child. And we (probably) also all know that adoption is lifelong process of walking through and processing trauma. (I know those two things don\u2019t seem related, but stick with me and I promise you I\u2019ll get to my point!)<\/p>\n
So what this means is that removal from a foster home, back to birth home, is also traumatic. But, if the birth family is properly supported (by us, hopefully), they are more likely to keep their children in home and not have them removed again. So that means that even though the removal from foster to birth home is traumatic, it is a one-time trauma, which is ultimately better\u2026because with adoption a child could potentially relive the trauma at every major (or even minor) milestone in his life.<\/p>\n
Now please do not hear what I am not saying: I am not saying that adoption is bad\u2026Sometimes reunification should not happen because it\u2019s not in best interest of child. But that also should not be defined by what we can offer (often monetarily), but instead the lifetime of overall benefit for child to be with birth family is what needs to be considered.<\/p>\n
My point in all this is that is that if we can support reunification (both prior to and following the reunification) that might just be what is in the best interest of a child. It\u2019s not about money or opportunities or a bigger house or better school or any of that\u2026it\u2019s about being in the family you were born into, when it\u2019s safe and appropriate to be there. It\u2019s about the cultural and religious mirrors a child receives with birth family which they may or may not have with foster\/adoptive family.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s not as simple as \u201cI am the better option.\u201d It\u2019s what is the BEST when you step back and take in the entire picture.<\/p>\n
Sincerely,<\/p>\n
Kris<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So seriously\u2026what IS the best interest of a child in care? True confession time (and this is kind of an ugly side of me, but it is also not uncommon for foster parents to think this way when they first start out). When I began this journey, I thought I knew what would be the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17732","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kriss-corner"],"yoast_head":"\n