Believe me when I tell you that you are definitely not alone if you have never heard the phrase \u201cstuck in his perseverance\u201d. This was a new one to me\u2026I just heard of it for the first time within the past few months\u2026even though I\u2019ve been in the foster care\/adoption world for almost a decade.<\/p>\n
And in spite of the fact that it was some thing I have experienced with my kiddo for many years now.<\/p>\n
But enough about the fact that you might not know what it means\u2026 just tell us already, right?<\/p>\n
So long story short: when a child is in the middle of doing some thing (and it can be a good or bad thing) and he becomes mentally stuck on doing what he\u2019s doing and is unable to disengage from it.<\/p>\n
One example from my own life, and there could be many, honestly, is playing at a park. My son loves to play at the park. Fresh air, sunshine, meeting new friends\u2026it\u2019s all the things. But when it\u2019s time to go, unless all the other kids are gone, and\/or it is dark outside, he does not want to leave.<\/p>\n
On the outside, I do my best to remain calm (which allows him to help borrow my calm), but on the inside, I might be screaming, because it looks like defiance. And it can (and does) feel really embarrassing to me. If I\u2019m totally honest, that\u2019s one of the hardest parts of my child being stuck in his perseverance\u2026it looks like defiance and I\u2019m embarrassed because of what others might be thinking.<\/p>\n
And to most people, defiance is exactly what they think it is. And maybe, sometimes it is under the guise of perseverance. But what I have to remember, and I\u2019ll be honest I don\u2019t always remember because it can be really frustrating (and embarrassing) when it happens in public, but what I must remember is that my child is not giving me a hard time\u2026my child is having a hard time. So I need to be there to help him make that transition, even when it\u2019s difficult.<\/p>\n
One way I like to explain it to someone is that a wagon rolling along in a rutted road is just fine as long as it is in the rut; the trouble comes when the wagon needs to turn out of the ruts and it\u2019s practically impossible to do so. Often times it\u2019s a somewhat ugly process in which the wagon might tip, it might rock, things might spill out, and it\u2019s a whole messy business.<\/p>\n
Clearly stuck in perseverance is not something only kiddos from hard place is struggle with, but it is more often seen in this demographic.<\/p>\n
So how, as a foster parent (or any adult in this situation), should I handle this? Well, I am definitely not an expert, but this is my go-to plan (when I\u2019m on my A-game): this is where my TBRI training does come in quite handy. Don\u2019t get me wrong, it\u2019s handy all day, every day. But here is where I really feel like I draw on it the most consistently. I stay with him, encourage him to make a good choice, give him choices, and above all else, I stay calm. I cannot stress this enough: set aside what I might be feeling, what I think others are thinking of me and him in the moment and just stay calm.<\/p>\n
You may be noticing a theme, because I\u2019m fairly certain I\u2019ve said this, and multiple other posts, but in spite of what others may be thinking about me at the time, I need to set that aside, and focus in on what my child needs, and how I can best help him.<\/p>\n
I know you might be thinking that it sounds silly that it feels embarrassing, because I\u2019m not the one who\u2019s being defiant, but it is embarrassing to me. We probably all been there some point\u2026you\u2019re in public and your child is not doing what you asked, or what they know they need to do.<\/p>\n
But let me tell you: stuck in\u00a0perseverance is like that, but to the nth degree. And as with all behaviors that are undesirable, it\u2019s not something your child would want. No one would ever choose that or choose to display these behaviors. The trauma brain\u00a0just can\u2019t do what it needs to do. Which is where we come in to play, as trauma-informed foster parents.<\/p>\n
So I hope my brief explanation of what it means and how best to cope with it as a foster parent gives each of you insight and understanding\u2026and encouragement to know that you\u2019re not alone in your experiences in this journey.<\/p>\n
Sincerely,<\/p>\n
Kris<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Believe me when I tell you that you are definitely not alone if you have never heard the phrase \u201cstuck in his perseverance\u201d. This was a new one to me\u2026I just heard of it for the first time within the past few months\u2026even though I\u2019ve been in the foster care\/adoption world for almost a decade. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[10],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14048","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-kriss-corner"],"yoast_head":"\n