In my last post, I addressed that you may not know much (or any) of a child\u2019s history prior to them coming into care. Today\u2019s post addresses a little of the why you don\u2019t know much, what you may be missing, and how you (and your child) can move forward in spite of those gaps.<\/p>\n
While child protective services will attempt to gather as much information as possible about a child\u2019s history, there are often major gaps in information. And sometimes even if DCS knows the information, they are not able to share it with the foster parents.<\/p>\n
There are additional reasons why you may not have access to the information: biological parents may be incarcerated; they\u2019re not showing up at appointments for various reasons; or they\u2019re simply unwilling to provide information to you.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s also possible a child has undergone many changes in caregivers, bouncing from person to person, which means that no single adult is aware of what a child has gone through. They may be able to provide snippets of information, but not a large, continuous piece of history.<\/p>\n
Honestly, there are many different reasons why you may have a lack of information, but what kinds of gaps am I talking about? As mentioned in my previous post, you may not know the time of your child\u2019s birth, weight, or length. And while those can be troublesome, there are other much larger unknowns. A major one often involves the biological mother\u2019s pregnancy. What was her prenatal situation like? Did she receive any prenatal care? Was the child exposed to drugs or alcohol in utero?\u00a0 Was she homeless or abused during the pregnancy?\u00a0 What was the overall state of her mental health while pregnant?<\/p>\n
The time a child spent in utero is one of those things that is not often considered, even when taking in a newborn or little-bitty. People often have the misconception that a child \u201chas no trauma\u201d if he\/she came to them directly after the child was born; but I just need you to know that is not true. I used to believe it myself, until I experienced first-hand a child with pre-natal trauma living under my roof. Here\u2019s the why:<\/p>\n
As you may or may not know, when a person is under stress, the body produces cortisol. Cortisol is the primary stress hormone and can be helpful to someone when it is only released into the body infrequently\u2026it helps curb non-essential functions during a fight, flight or freeze response. But it is problematic when the cortisol release is ongoing (such as when in a prolonged high stress situation), and even more so in a pregnant woman; if she\u2019s producing high levels of cortisol, then the child in utero is practically swimming in it (not literally, of course, but I\u2019m certain you understand my point). Such exposure to a child in utero can cause ongoing developmental delays and chronic levels of anxiety after birth.<\/p>\n
So even if a child was not exposed to drugs or alcohol prior to birth, it does not mean they have not experienced trauma.<\/p>\n
Now\u2026additional details you may not know about a child coming into care: Developmental history may be missing. You may not know if a child walked, talked, or hit other developmental milestones on target; knowing those types of things can help foster parents (and their doctors) make more accurate predictions about the future. Does it mean you can\u2019t still help your child be the best they can be? Absolutely not\u2026it\u2019s just a little easier if you know what milestones were achieved on time previously.<\/p>\n
A genetic history may also be unknown. It may be unclear if a child\u2019s family has a history of physical or mental health issues, developmental or cognitive delays, addictions, etc.<\/p>\n
A child\u2019s trauma history may be uncertain as well.\u00a0Adults may not be aware of child\u2019s history of neglect, abuse, or exposure to domestic violence.<\/p>\n
The gaps in information likely mean there will be questions about a child\u2019s attachment history. Children who don\u2019t bond with initial primary caregivers (typically their biological parents, but not always) may develop attachment disorders, such reactive attachment.<\/p>\n
And not to be discouraging, but sometimes mental health issues, developmental delays or physical health problems may not emerge until after a child has been living with a foster family for a while. This can be due to the fact that the child is learning to attach and has a sense of felt safety.<\/p>\n
I know this may seem very \u201cDebbie Downer\u201d and that is NOT my intent. If you are considering fostering or are new to the game, I want you to go into this experience with your eyes WIDE open and aware of the possibilities.<\/p>\n
All that said\u2026what do we do about all this lack of information? Well, to some extent you have to move on and solve the puzzle with only the clues available to you. To be clear, I do not say this lightly. It is unfortunate and I completely understand this experience from my own time as a foster parent. We have to do the very best we can as foster parents with what we\u2019ve been given. I have likened it to being a detective of sorts; my child is not a problem that I need to fix, but a puzzle I need to solve.<\/p>\n